Facing Your Fears Through Silence
September 2024's Reflection, Music Update and New Song Idea
Meet everything with a steady, silent gaze.
What notices the mind game is free of the mind game.
Martin Laird, Into the Silent Land: A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation.
Photo: Cotopaxi National Park, Ecuador.
This month, I started doing regular psychotherapy and during the sessions my therapist often stops me after I say something emotionally heavy or profound in order to breath and feel the reality of what I’ve just said in my body.
But I don’t want to pause and feel the emotion, especially painful ones. I want to skip ahead to the part where I’m healed and can get back to functioning like a “normal” person, whatever that means.
An appropriate meme a friend sent me for this situation.
However, I’m learning that as cheesy as it may sound,
You can’t heal what you don’t feel, and healing takes courage and time.
I’m good at talking about my struggles when I’m well, but when the inner storm is raging, I experience intense fear and shame around expressing how I truly feel.
When I’m depressed, I feel toxic and in danger of infecting others with my darkness if I open up, or cause them to run away. I think this is one of the worst symptoms of depression because the only way that darkness can be transformed is by bringing it into the loving light of God and those who care for us.
I’m learning that by facing the reality of how I feel and my fears with a steady, silent gaze, I am beginning to actually heal and see more clearly the things in my life that need to change, which are often the things I’ve been avoiding the most.
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Joseph Campbell
Facing reality isn’t easy and rarely pain free, but when one is able to do it with love and support, it’s life-changing.
Music Update
What I’m Working On
I’m preparing to release a new song, Good on Paper, in collaboration with Australian rapper and producer Michael Bradshaw. The song touches on imposter syndrome, concerns around social media’s impact on society, and the danger of losing yourself in pursuit of superficial success.
We’ve been working on this track from a distance since the pandemic, so I’m excited to finally share it with you soon!
I’ve also booked the orchestral session for May You See the Sun on the 23rd of October!
Beautiful Things
The sunflowers in the botanic garden near our house in Germany have been warming my heart.
This stunning piece of music!
Quotes
“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”
―J. M. Barry
“The heart itself is but a small vessel, yet dragons are there, and there are also lions; there are poisonous beasts and all the treasures of evil. But there too is God, the angels, the life and the kingdom, the light and the apostles, the heavenly cities and the treasuries of grace—all things are there.”
―St. Macarius
New Song Idea for Paid Subscribers - Lost at Sea
If you’re weary, lost at sea
sinking underneath the waves and you can’t feel me
just cry out, reach out your hand
I’ll hold on to hope so you can…
Several months ago my producer, Lee Bradshaw, visited me in Göttingen, and we co-wrote a song together. It was inspired by the words of friends and family who have been so kind to me on difficult days, and the story of Jesus and Peter walking on the water.
I pray that this song gives you words to comfort those you love who might be going through a storm in their life. May it also remind you that when you attempt to hold onto hope for those who are suffering, our ultimate hope and strength is found in Christ.
Thanks for sharing so vulnerably about your journey. I love how you're putting your journey to music too! Keep going!
Sophie, I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your heart on here and all that you're going through.
Praying for you today. Love and blessings in Christ!